I disappeared for a couple weeks there, but sometimes it just all gets too much and even a blog is too much social crap for me to take. The whole packing, moving, dealing with things (Getting internet, electric turned off, changing address, etc.) thing really took it out of me for awhile there. And naturally a week after that I was a bridesmaid in one of my best friends wedding. So I’ve really had no down time, and no recovery time. I hate that, seriously. And I need down time to function. So yeah lots I hated dealing with lately.
So I mentioned before that my previous career was a veterinary nurse. After I got my B.A. I went back to my folks place for awhile, because our two dogs were old and had medical issues. If someone wasn’t able to stay with them then they would have to be put down, so since the timing worked out I went back to be their caretaker. I was fairly directionless at that point, I had gotten my degree in general studies because nothing really struck a passion in me. So I didn’t know where I wanted to go, so coming back really wasn’t an issue.
So I finally handed in my two weeks notice to my work. Its been a long time coming in a way, although part of me still isn’t 100% sure about my decision. I worked there 3 1/2 years, the longest I’ve ever managed to stay at a place. And unlike so many other past jobs, I didn’t have a lot of the social problems that caused me to have work issues previously.
So now we have come to the “Why am I here” portion of our program. But not in the grand spiritual sense or anything, that I don’t much worry about. No I mean why am I here writing a blog. The long and short of it is mainly in the hopes of helping others like me.
Things like aspergers are hard to deal with, and not being able to deal, not knowing what to do, can lead to horrible things sometimes. I knew a boy, back in the small town where I grew up. Our families were close and we were casually friends. But now he’s dead, and he died by his own hand. He was someone who I had known since I was young and who was very similar to me. He also had aspergers and had trouble dealing with the world and its realities. We lost touch years before he died, and I now have to regret that I didn’t reach out to him, but its too late.
So I was just watching “Mozart and the whale”, which is actually a good movie all in all. But it left me with a slightly bitter feeling. I wonder why some people with autism and aspergers are savant’s and others are not?
It feels slightly unfair, and yes I know thats life, that everyone deals with the same crap having aspergers but some of them get this amazing gift. Why?
I tend to talk too much and ramble when I get uncomfortable and anxious, so you are forewarned. You might think that a person wouldn’t feel socially anxious on a blog, but you would be sorely underestimating me.
I’m not sure if social anxiety is actually one of the symptoms of aspergers, or if we are just so socially awkward that its inevitable that we end up with social anxiety. But it does seem to be a common thing.
Ever notice how starting something is always the worst part? Its impossible to start anything well, it always comes out sounding clumsy or just uninteresting. I’ve decided that its a lost cause. So I’m not going to say anything of any importance here on this first post (I’m not actually promising that I’ll ever say anything of great important ever) and just say a quick hello to the blogger world. I’ll say more about myself and my journey at a later day. So for now, hello world!